


Shut—In

by tondr



Category: Dangan Ronpa - All Media Types, New Dangan Ronpa V3: Everyone's New Semester of Killing
Genre: Angst, Autism, Autism Spectrum, Eventual Romance, Heavy Angst, M/M, NEET life, Post-Canon, Pregame/Game Personalities are Mixed, Self-Harm, Simulation AU, Slow Burn, ouma deals with forgiveness for his actions, very sad autistic author
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-11-15
Updated: 2018-11-15
Packaged: 2019-08-23 23:47:27
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,885
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16628822
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tondr/pseuds/tondr
Summary: Well after the 53rd killing game, Kokichi Ouma struggles to deal with amending his friendships and facing confrontation.However, facing a new adversity within himself can prevent that from happening for a long time.





	Shut—In

**Author's Note:**

> based on a one shot I did a while ago that was really cryptic and when I was still developing this idea.  
> https://archiveofourown.org/works/16090820

The door was still locked after 3 months.

 

The door continued to be rapped upon for 3 months.

 

and the door was still locked.

 

* * *

 

Kokichi woke at the cruel hour of 1:00AM. His body wouldn't let him move, and his thoughts felt like mush. His dreams continue to seep into his consciousness, and he shuffles his arms around to grasp a pillow. He hums into it as his thoughts start to collect themselves.

 

His eyes opened to the usual scene, clothes scattered in places that shouldn't be possible. Papers and plastic silverware sticking out from unidentifiable places. Old bowls of cereal, and empty plates that once held a slice or two of pizza.

 

His hand reached for the half-filled water bottle on his nightstand.

 

His body stiffened as his hand whacked into the surrounding cups of soda, spilling all over the floor and creating dark stains in the carpet. Kokichi didn't care, and he didn't have any cleaning supplies anyways. He sighed, and made his way to his computer.

 

His tired eyes squint as the screen blared into his vision. He hurriedly logged into his computer and opened a new can of soda. The fizz immediately overloaded his senses and he cringed into himself, already feeling the need to scratch out his arms again. He scolded the idiot brain that always invaded his thoughts and desires.

 

How ironic it is. Ouma Kokichi, probably one of the most outgoing and confident person that Kokichi knows, is stuck here. In his small room, and alone. He didn't bother to fight that side of himself that prompted his meltdowns and caused him to do some… really weird things. Although Kokichi felt he had more power, he could never actually confront his fears.

 

That fear? Confrontation. To confront confrontation, confronting the fear to confront confrontation… and confronting the confr— Okay, he's making himself feel sick thinking about confronting confrontation.

 

Confrontation doesn't sound like a word anymore, haha.

 

His eyes scanned the trashed room. None of the food seemed edible anymore, and the trash seemed to pile to infinity. Kokichi stretched his arms, and turned his head to the door.

 

It was going to be another one of these nights.

 

* * *

 

 

Oh, he could hear his bones crushing, but he didn't actually feel it. Or, he did, but he couldn't actually scream. He realized his lungs collapsed, so he couldn't scream even if he wanted to. Did it hurt? ‘Dunno.’ he would say. He felt it for… half a second. Interesting.

 

It's dark.

 

He heard muffled voices echo through his non existent ears. Wait, where did his ears go? Actually… where did the rest of his body go? Oh, it's right here. Wait, no it isn't. Kokichi is confused. He’s still breathing, he could hear, touch, smell, and see. Well, all he saw was a pitch dark… But the color black is better than the concept of the color of nothing.

 

So, was he still here?

 

“He's waking up now, prepare the sedatives just in case.” A mysterious voice spoke through Kokichi’s black void. Hey, this was Kokichi’s afterlife, scoot out bucko! “His heart rate is rapidly increasing, here, hand me the needle.” What the hell are they blabbering on about? Well now that the mysterious voice mentions it, Kokichi did feel his heart hammering against his ribcage.

 

The ribcage that was supposed to be crushed by now.

 

Kokichi woke with a startle, a shout, and the need to break something in his closest proximity. There were strange men and women all gathered in his room, they wore white coats, and some of them wore stupid glasses. The room was incredibly bright, and Kokichi suddenly felt extremely irritated by the light pooling in his eyes. Kokichi tried reaching for the nearest object to use as a panicked weapon, until he suddenly felt a warm restraint on his arm, and a sharp prick into his shoulder. There he went again, back to that spotless void.

 

Although, it wasn't spotless this time. The once pitchless infinity of a black hole shifted into a familiar garden. It wasn't exactly a garden either, but as long as there were flowers present, Kokichi liked to describe it as such. He knelt down to inspect the patch of flowers, forget-me-nots he recalled. Those were one of his favorite flowers, they fascinated him for some reason.

 

Kokichi suddenly heard a pair of footsteps grow louder into his garden. Again with the invading of his personal dreams, he was starting to become sick of the uninvited company. His eyes shot up to meet a familiar pair of lilac ones. Oh… this wasn't entirely expected. Kokichi ponders on what to ask the spaceman, but settling on his need for confirmation. “Did it work? Our plan?” he asked Kaito.

 

Kaito said nothing.

 

Lilac eyes turned into an intense ruby stare. “Oh,” Kokichi started, “You know that I'm…” he trailed off. Gonta only stood still, and he said nothing. “You were too good to someone like me, you really are a big dumb idiot, huh?” Kokichi forced his eyes downwards until the forget-me-nots filled his plane. “I should of been the one who died there… huh.” He picked wordlessly at the blue flowers, until he had the courage to lift his eyes into the eyes that reflected nothing but kindness and friendship towards him.

 

Only to find a pair of golden eyes pierce back into his heart. This time, the figure said something.

 

He said something all too familiar, a string of words that Kokichi had been harping over ever since they were spoken.

 

“You will always be alone, Ouma-kun.”

 

The figure disappeared, along with the soft flowers in Kokichi’s loose grip.

 

He still feels the flowers, how many hours has it been? Kokichi's eyes fluttered open, taking in that familiar pool of light that made him want to scratch his brain out earlier. “He's awake again.” A woman's voice pierced through his ear. Why did everything feel so much more intense? He came to a quick conclusion that he already did not like this woman's voice. It was gratey, like long red nails on a chalkboard. “How are you feeling, Ouma Kokichi?” she said.

 

Kokichi winced as her chalky voice violated his ears, he looked to her direction to find a small and dainty woman, hair tied back and neat. He observed her a bit longer, she had three moles on her neck, she had a wedding ring attached to her small finger, and her eyelashes were wirey and short. “Can you speak, sir?” she asked.

 

“Yeah, just hearing you talk makes me want to rip out my own vocal cords, however.” He tried lifting his right arm to rub his nose, to only find restraints dying him to the bed. He gave the nurse a questioning look.

 

“We had to sedate you after you woke from the simulation, usually the first time is not very pretty.” The nurse sighed and crossed her arms.

 

“Simulation? Well… that explains a lot,” His mind recalled back to the sheer ridiculousness of their situation, tiny robots recording their environment, the absurdness of Monokuma, and even the exisals were a head scratcher, “I guess. Wait so, if I'm alive then…”

 

“Yes, everyone else who has died to this point is alive and well.”

 

A shock ran through Kokichi's body, and he tried his best to keep his composure. He had to squeeze as much information out of this lady as possible, but he had a strange overwhelming urge to just pound his head into something until he bled. Good thing he still has the restraints attached to his thin wrists.

 

“The game hasn't finished yet, but once it does, we'll kick you and your buddies out. You lost, so…” The nurse smiled and shrugged, “No money for losing contestants.”

 

“What the hell are you on about?” Kokichi glared terrifyingly at the nurse, and she seemed entirely unaffected by Kokichi’s menace.

 

“Honestly, I don't get paid enough to explain every itty bitty detail after brats lose their memory at first. Just save the questions for later… okay?” She pulled her phone out of her coat sleeve and started texting.

 

“Jeez, you must be fun at parties.” Kokichi sneered. “Can you at least tell me where I am?”

 

She sighed, seeming bothered to remove her phone from her grubby fingers. “We usually keep the contestants in a hospital owned by Team Danganronpa. It's easier to control conditions, environment, and such.”

 

“What's Team Danga—”

 

“Kid, I just said you're gonna have to wait for information. I ain't the person for it.” She hissed, and lifted her fingers to her dirty screen.

 

“Okay, Ms.Nurse-chan! Make sure the next time you talk down to me, at least brush your teeth.” He grumbled, not waiting for a response. “Can you at least untie me?”

 

“Insult me and then ask for a favor. Will you please at least be quiet after I take the restraints off?”

 

“Okie dokie, Nurse-chan-sama!” Kokichi flashed an irritating smile.

 

The nurse groaned for what seemed like the 100th time in their conversation, and leaned over to untie his restraints. She quickly undid the tight restraints, and before she could pull away, Kokichi hurriedly bit her arm as hard as he could before throwing himself off the hospital bed, and making a beeline for the door.

 

The nurse yelped, and pressed the emergency button off the side of the hospital bed as Kokichi left the room. Suddenly, all the numbness lifted and he felt scorching pain all over his body. It felt as if his ribs and spine were on fire, and with every breath, it irritated his organs. His legs gave out in the thin hallway, and he could hear rapid footsteps approaching. Kokichi couldn't think as his vision began to fade once more.

 

He heard faint voices, “What happened?” Said a man.

 

“He bit me, and just took off… Collapsed immediately once he got out.” His head felt fuzzy.

 

“Probably the drugs wearing off the shadow pains.”

 

His face felt cold, his cheek pressed to the floor. He heard a pair of softer footsteps approach. Great, Kokichi didn't know what was going through his mind. He was calculated, and thoughtful. Not whatever that was. The feeling of impulse washed over him as soon as the nurse undid the restraints, and Kokichi knew he had to get out. A sweet and feminine voice filled the hallway, and most importantly, familiar. “I heard he was awake… Errr… Is he alright, Ouma-kun?”

 

Kokichi gave it his all to lift his head, and meet Kaede’s eyes. Or, at least he thought it was. The pain left him lucid and dizzy, his mind blanked, and he fell into the pitiless void of sleep once again.

 

“Keep him restrained this time, and I'll keep two nurses in the room just to make sure.” The doctor hummed.

 

* * *

 

 

1:20AM, and Kokichi was getting hungry. All the cereal boxes were finished, and bags of empty chips layed scattered across his small room. For some reason the hot water stopped working two days ago, so he couldn't exactly make instant ramen either.

 

It was 1AM, there'd be no way Kokichi would encounter one of his “classmates” at this hour. It seemed like an opportune time to stock up. His nose felt brittle, and he could taste a hint of blood down his throat. How do allergies attack him from inside? He sneezed, and groaned.

 

He glanced to the door for the 20th time that evening, contemplating if luck is truly in his small fingers tonight. He hummed silently, and siked himself up inwardly. He could feel his heart hammering against his chest as he unlocked the handle. He glided his fingers over the door, feeling the grainy and wooden texture that he took pleasure from. Although the door and the sounds it makes is something that Kokichi resents, he liked specific surfaces like these. Okay, he was distracting himself from actually getting what needs to be done.

 

His heart travelled to his throat as he turned the doorknob slowly. He couldn't hear anything but his pulse thumping in his ear canals. The door was open.

 

The hallway was dark, as usual on nights like these. He pulled out his phone, and used the flashlight on the device to navigate through the extremely familiar, yet inextricable foreign hallway.

 

Years of practice for making his footsteps completely silent, definitely paid off. He rolled his heel into the front of his feet at a quick pace, just trying to get this over with. He came to the kitchen door, and breathed a silent prayer to some unknown God that Angie used to babble on about.

 

He missed her. He missed playing with her, and he missed scribbling crayons into her nice drawing paper for hours. He remembered how nice that paper felt, how textured and porous it was. He remembered ruining that paper with his horrid creations, and Angie didn't mind.

 

Yeah, no. He wasn't going to get emotional right now, he had one thing in mind. Mission? Acquire food. When? Right now. Then? Probably… go back, and continue this pathetic life. Kokichi could probably describe himself as a NEET now, the kind of people he used to resent. How ironic. Stop it, food.

 

He slid the kitchen door, and his heart jumped into his throat as he saw a mop of blonde hair laying at the kitchen table. Kaede had her face pressed against a notebook, seemingly completely asleep. Kokichi wonders if he should just leave and do this tomorrow, but his stomach profusely protested.

 

He observed Kaede for just a moment, she didn't look any different than how he remembered. The last time he saw her was… Jeez, at the hospital? Some of his other frien— _classmates_ , he hasn't seen since the killing game. Shuichi must be happy.

 

Kokichi held a sad smile.

 

He turned his attention away, and focused on the task at hand. Food. Without Kaede waking up. Yikes, alright. He decided to not open the fridge, since he knew that made too much noise shuffling around in there. Cabinets, okay.

 

Kokichi lifted himself onto the counter to be able to reach the top cabinets. He inwardly damns his height for a short moment, before bleeding the contents of the cabinet dry. Cereal, chips, cookies, and anything that could give him diabetes he grabbed for. He silently closed the cabinet, and worked on scooting himself off the counter without sound.

 

His breathing was short, and shallow. He eyed Kaede the entire time he shifted himself off the counter. Her head remained still, and her breathing steady. Good so far, now all he had to do was leave.

 

Well, that was going well until the unsettling feeling of his nose being violated creeped into his senses. He tried holding it in as much as possible, to only have his efforts fail.

 

“Achoo!”

 

And there goes the cereal, the cookies, and the everything all over the kitchen floor. There goes Kaede’s head turning, and her eyes focusing on Kokichi. There goes Kokichi’s fear levels running at unprecedented levels. There goes that sweet, and feminine voice filling the kitchen room.

 

“Mmn… Ouma-kun?” She lazily said.

 

Kokichi booked it out of the kitchen as fast as his legs could run. He felt incredibly embarrassed, and for absolutely no reason. He had no reason to run, and yet he did. He could of talked to Kaede, teased her for falling asleep in a dirty place such as the kitchen, but he didn't. He could have confronted confrontation, and yet he didn't. There's that part of himself that constantly dictated his thoughts and actions. The part of himself coming from absolutely nowhere until after waking up from the game. He hated that part of him, and yet he couldn't control himself. He hated that part of him, but he knew it was exactly himself doing it. Running down the dark hallway, and throwing himself into his room, he felt that part of himself take over.

 

That overwhelming urge to destroy things, to throw his hairbrush or to scream until his lungs bled, it completely controlled him. Those actions would make noise, a lot of noise. Kokichi didn't need a thousand knocks in the middle of the night rupturing against his tiny skull. He settled for his favorite option, bearing himself for the incoming pain. But he needed it, he needed to let it out.

 

He rapidly lifted his hand to his mouth, and he bit down as hard as he could manage. He felt the familiar numbness of it, how it always felt so relieving at first. Then, the overwhelming pain as his hand bruised extremely fast. He groaned, and tears prickled in his eyes. Kokichi removed his mouth with a short “Aaah…” before looking at the damage. The swollen red and blues mixed together, along with the similar fading marks trailing on his hand and up his arm, he only felt disgusted with himself.

 

But it worked, all the stress was taken from that one bite. He felt high, and tranquil. His eyelids felt heavy as coherent thoughts came back to him. He'll just scout for food tomorrow.

 

He'll just sleep until tomorrow.

 

He fell asleep, and until tomorrow, he'll let the door knock again, and again.

**Author's Note:**

> feedback is always much appreciated, especially when I'm starting a new story!! thank you for reading <3
> 
> twitter: @tondr0325  
> discord: si#1718  
> instagram: @cowmaeda


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